


Confessions

by Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright



Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Genre: And He Knows It, Coda for divide and conquer, also Kelly is the best, and sometimes you just need to tell someone, as always, cos Nick messed up bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18247277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright/pseuds/Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright
Summary: The trouble with doing things when you’re totally wasted is it doesn’t take long to regret them and Nick really, really, regrets getting drunk with Ty.Luckily Kelly Abbott is there to help.Aka a missing scene from Divide and Conquer





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> So this little plot bunny has been floating around my head for a while and as they said on “queer eye” someday is today so here it is.
> 
> Unbetad so forgive any typos x
> 
> Also thanks to @astudyinfic for the title cos I suck at those

It only took the duration of the cab ride back to the hotel for the reality of what he’d just done to hit Nick with the force of a ten tonne semi. How had he been so fucking stupid? What had he been thinking? That was the real question, the truth, of course, was that he hadn't been thinking at all. He’d been so busy panicking that he was losing Ty that he’d just reacted. Fuck, he could try and justify it anyway he wanted, could pretend it was because he hated to see Ty with someone who didn't love him, or that he’d wanted Ty to know he had options, or whatever other other paper thin excuse he could come up with, but none of it was true. The truth was the second Ty had come out to them all it was just further evidence of something he’d known for years, there was a distance between him and his best friend that felt insurmountable.

So he’d reacted, desperately trying to cling onto something that had been lost years ago; lost in those awful days when they kept each other alive in that prison cell and then irrevocably broken when Ty and Eli joined the FBI. He’d tried so hard to not see it, to cling on to the only real family he’d known but it was like trying to catch water, grip it to tightly and it slips through your fingers. 

As the taxi drew to a halt Nick paid the driver without any real thought and scrambled out of the door desperate to get away, find somewhere to think, before the panic rising in his chest became overwhelming. He could feel his heart racing and the tightness in his chest as he stormed into the reception area but he couldn't seem to focus on anything else. He wasn't even aware of his surroundings, letting instinct take him wherever it wanted. It didn't let him down and it was some sort of comfort when the elevator doors opened onto a deserted roof terrace.

It was a cold night, cold enough that at least Nick had the solitude he needed. He couldn't even thinking of facing up to the others yet, to his brothers who he’d lied to for years. He didn't deserve them, hell, he wouldn't blame them if they turned their back on him. The worst part was they probably wouldn't, well maybe Owen would, but Digger and Kelly, hell, even Ty, they’d probably stand by him. He didn't deserve it. How could they forgive him when he couldn't even forgive himself? 

Nick leant against the glass wall, the only thing dividing the roof from the streets below, and gripped the wall hard. He had to face up to what he’d done. He’d kissed Ty. He’d kissed Ty twice after Ty had told him he was in love with Zane. He’d kissed Ty whilst Zane was at home, injured and blind. Just the thought of it made him feel sick to his stomach. It hadn't even been worth it. He’d tried to fuck up some guy’s relationship, who seemed decent enough, he’d ruined his friendship with Ty for what? A good kiss but a meaningless one. It hadn't even been the kind of kiss that rocked your world, the kind that felt right despite it all. Fuck no, it had felt wrong the first time and even worse the second.

Nick’s hand shook as he reached in his pocket and dragged out a cigarette, placing it in his mouth and not lighting it in the vain hope it would give him some sort of comfort. Jesus, what the hell was he supposed to do now? Would Ty ever speak to him again? He wouldn't blame him if he didnt, wasn't even sure if he believed he should.

“Hey bud.” 

Nick froze, shoulders tense, unwilling to turn around as he heard Kelly’s soothing tones behind him.

“If you want to be alone I can go, but you kinda looked like you needed a friend.” Kelly said as he joined him by the wall, standing just beside him, his presence as ever, strangely calming.

Nick’s tongue felt thick in his mouth, the taste of Ty still on his lips and he couldn't find the words.

“So you going to tell me what happened?” 

Nick glanced across to see Kelly looking out on the streets, as usual giving Nick space to say nothing if he wanted. It was more than he deserved.

“I fucked up Kels.” Nick hung his head as shame washed over him. Shame not just for what he’d done, but for all the things he’d kept from Kelly, from the man who was always there for all of them.

“Well I gathered that bud. You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific here.” Kelly turned to face him, a small smile on his lips which was somewhat marred by the concerned furrow on his brow.

“I kissed Ty.” Nick blurted out. It felt like ripping off a band aid.

“Oh.” 

Nick dared to look at Kelly and instead of seeing the disgust he expected, hell, he deserved, he just saw surprise.

“Well I didn't expect that,” Kelly laughed softly.

“Twice.” Nick said. He’d always hated secrets and there was a large part of him that just needed to confess, just get it out there.

“Okay.” Kelly said slowly, almost rolling the word around his mouth before he said it. “I mean you know the obvious question here right, bud?”

“Why?” 

Kelly nodded his head.

“Fuck, Kels I don't even know.” Nick sucked on the unlit cigarette again, trying to make sense of what was going on his head. “I panicked I guess.”

“No shit.” Kelly said raising an eyebrow and Nick had to stifle a laugh. There was something about Kelly that just calmed everything, made everything seem better. He was more than a little grateful for that right now.

“I just…” Nick swallowed before continuing, “it just felt like I was losing him, you know. Hell, like I’ve lost him already.”

“So you thought locking lips would change that? Great plan.” Kelly nudged him in the side. From anyone else the words would've sounded harsh but the way Kelly said it, without malice, just made Nick smile.

“Like I said I fucked up.” Nick said with a rueful smile.

“You ain’t shitting me.” Kelly replied his smile fading as he Nick hung his head again. “Listen bud, don't worry it’ll be fine. It’s you and Ty, man. He’s gonna be fine, hell, you’re both gonna be fine. Not the first time one of us has done something fucking stupid when we’re drunk. Won’t be the last and, at least you didn't get arrested. That’s gotta be some kind of first for when we’re all together.”

“Yeah.” God Nick wished he believed what Kelly was saying.

“So the big question.” Kelly said, pausing to check Nick was happy for him to continue. Nick nodded. “So are you like, gay as well? I mean it’s not a problem either way but..”

“No. I mean kinda. I…” Nick interrupted to save Kelly rambling further in his attempts to sugarcoat the question. “I'm bi.”

“Okay.” 

A single word, Kelly’s only answer.

“That’s it?” If he was honest Nick had been expecting more of a reaction.

“Pretty much. I don't see who you fuck changes who you are as a person, so yeah, okay.” Kelly replied with a shrug. “How long have you known?”

“I mean, always. Listen Kels I'm sorry, I should've told you. I wanted to tell you.” 

“Nah man I get it. I just feel kinda bad you worried you couldn’t cos you totally could have. But I get it's kind of big deal.” Kelly said wrapping an arm around Nick’s shoulder. “Mind you I feel sorry for all the guys that have fallen for the O’Flaherty charm. Thought they were safe, poor bastards.”

Nick barked out a laugh and leaned into Kelly.

“Gee thanks.” He muttered.

“Just saying it how I see it bud. You know me.” 

“Yeah I do.” Nick laughed, feeling lighter by the minute. It wasn't a surprise. Secrets had always felt like a lead weight on his soul and just letting one go was a blessed relief. “Well, I don't think you have to worry about Ty.”

“Oh my god, someone’s immune.” Kelly laughed squeezing his shoulder.

“Yeah, looks like.” Nick said. It was odd really, he couldn't quite put a finger on how he was feeling, a mixture of regret and, if he was honest, more than a little relief.

“Well to be fair he did say he was in love with Zane. You might want to take that into account next time.” Kelly teased as he gently led Nick to a metal bench away from the wall.

“Yeah I know.”

“Oh my god don't tell me you’re a terrible kisser,” Kelly gasped as they sat down, “‘cos not gonna lie bud, that would flip my world view on it's head.”

“Nah it was good. Just wasn't great.” Nick said and it felt good to admit it out loud.

“And you expected something else?” 

“I mean kinda. It’s Ty you know?” Kelly nodded for him to continue “I guess I expected more.”

“Because?” Kelly prodded.

“Because I've been in love with him for ten years.” Nick blurted out. There was really no point in lying about it anymore but it didn't make it any easier to say.

“Oh.” A strange look passed over Kelly’s face as he spoke, one that Nick couldn't quite place, one that was gone in the blink of an eye.

“I mean it's probably better this way.” Nick threw the unlit cigarette that he’d kept clutched in his hand to the floor and ran his fingers through his hair. “I… I’ve just really lost him this time.”

“No you haven't.” Kelly said with absolute certainty. “You guys have been through worse and you'll get through this. We both know it.”

“Okay.” It was strangely impossible to argue when faced with Kelly’s determined optimism.

“Just maybe don't try and kiss him again, yeah?” Kelly smiled, the teasing smile that always managed to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, I know that now.” Nick replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Well that’s good.” Kelly sprang to his feet. “C’mon, you need to get some sleep and hey don't worry you and Ty’ll sort it out.”

Nick wanted to believe as he looked up at Kelly’s smiling face, at his outstretched hand.

“Hey I’ll even let you be the big spoon if you like.” Kelly winked and it wasn't even a surprise that he hadn't planned on leaving`Nick on his own for the rest of the night.

“No you won’t.” Nick grumbled as he stood up.

“Yeah, no, probably not.” Kelly laughed. “Come on Nicko it’ll feel better in the morning.”

And for the first time Nick started to believe it.


End file.
